So, "seismic seizures of the spirit" just kind of indicates that I have a way with words, especially if they are alliterative. These internal things are not like the "spiritual emergency" I had several years ago, but are pushing me, gently and now not so gently, to move on to another level. It's kind of pleasant to plateau, some of them can be quite nice. And I've been concerning myself with what God is doing in Jack...... I've gone from plateau to plateau over time, and while it can be invigorating, it can also be tiring. Climbing up that Ladder to Heaven, that Holy Mountain..... climbing is a verb, and up is against the natural inclinations of gravity.
Of course, what my husband is going through affects me. His forced retirement which reduced our income affects me. His bad moods about that and not finding another job affect me. But how they affect me...... is a mover to my own crisis, opportunity, and hopefully growth.
So, in this book, written by a Greek Orthodox laymen, sociology professor at the University of Maine, who has had for many years an elder-type relationship with a monk, an abbot, from an ancient monastery on one of the Greek Islands, Cyprus, that retains traditions from the time of St Paul who preached there.......
has given me a framework, which is just a way of thinking, that is different from what I've been exposed to via my Evangelical upbringing and Catholic catechesis. Don't worry, I'm not converting to yet another church! It's just that some of those things rumbling around inside, that I have been without the words for, now may have them.
I want desperately to have more Quiet Time, more personal relationship with God? Almost like a complaint---- but not quite---- as we know that God HATES complaining---- and mostly I'm pleased with the life He has blessed me with, busy though it has become. More like a lament--- longing for Him, just for His Presence, with me and around me and in me, that "As a deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after Thee...." sort of thing.
And it's not been like a depression--- even though at times our moods have been down, dealing with job disappointments and stresses with the kids and grandchild--- in that the things I have and the activities I engage in for the most part do give me pleasure. I like where I live well enough and I enjoy keeping it (it's just not HOME), the food we have is fine and I enjoy cooking it, love my kitty and snuggling with her, love my books and notebooks and computer, enjoy going to work and being productive doing something I honestly consider worthwhile, enjoy taking walks and going swimming at the YMCA, and truly love my husband and being with him, in every way. It's just that it's not quite enough. Which of course we know that the things of this world are not--- enough--- and such pleasures are fleeting and will fade in the, for lack of a better word, Immenseness of Eternity.
So, briefly:
Orthodoxy speaks of humans being created in the Image of God, that we have the Icon of the Divine built into us. This was shattered in the Fall. (MY NOTE: "All the kings' horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again", though a nursery rhyme, refers to the prophets and priests and our fallen and shattered condition.).
Christ's historic presence was of the Divine Archetype Manifest (AKA Word made flesh). His coming, and especially the Crucifixion was the Therapeutic Event which helps us heal our estrangement from God.
And so we have the Ecclesia, Church, meant to be a Spiritual Hospital, whose mission is to help us overcome our Existential Illness (Original Sin). It prescribes Askesis, Spiritual Exercises, such as Fasting, Prayer, Scripture Study, Vigils, Confession, Communion, as methods to restore humanity's wholeness & spiritual health. These can be likened to Physical Therapy, which prescribes exercises to restore movement & functional abilities.
Orthodoxy refers to the Threefold Way: 1) Catharsis- purification of the soul from egotistical passions
2) Fotisis- illumination and enlightenment of the soul
3) Theosis- union of the soul with God
Not to put too fine a point on it, but these are stages a soul goes through in its development, much like a body goes from little to big, though crawling to walking to running and back again, and a mind goes through stages in talking, reading, intellect and beyond. Not all persons develop to the same degree, whether physically or spiritually. We have limited choice about the physical, though we do have some, being able to maximize our chances of health or illness, our ability to understand the world around us, and so we have choices in the spiritual.
{CHOICE is also an interesting phenemena, but I digress. Another time. Perhaps.}
So it appears that I've been at Stage 1 for a LONG time, that of Catharsis. Not that I'm done with it, purification is continually necessary, on a daily and moment-ly basis. It's built into the "Twelve Steps" in fact, as crucial, to overcome addiction, considered to be a particular Spiritual Illness. So we search our souls and "when wrong promptly admit it" and if possible, go frequently to Confession. Lifelong process, purification.
Nonethless, at a certain point, that only God knows, we are pushed from purification to move on to Fotisis, the stage which prepares our souls to meet Him. Of course, we meet Him from time to time, experience a felt sense of His Presence here and there. Sometimes we experience this a good part of the time, sometimes not. This is where I am now, and it's frustrating, very. But now I have hope, that climbing up again, I'll eventually get to new places, and come to a new plateau.
Just like Much-Afraid in the book HINDS FEET ON HIGH PLACES! Her companions on the Way were Sorrow & Suffering...... But she knew The Shepherd and got to know Him better, become closer to His heart.......
Anyway, that's the gist of it.