And it appears I am in another time of transition. Again. Some more. Will this process ever be complete?
I guess it's because of things that are happening internally. I have written before about the sense of being in some kind of transition, and finding it disconcerting, confusing, maybe scary. One gets used to things how they are, one gets used to seeing themselves a certain way. Transition goes from one state of being to another, in such a way that nothing will be the same again. Using Labor & Delivery as a metaphor, first we're not a mother, then we are-- even if we lose the child then or at any time after, first we have X children, now we have X+1, and so on and so forth.
For me, I have seen myself in a vocation, of a "Sermon on the Mount" variety, for many years, and am both good and bad with that, comfortable & uncomfortable. I especially noticed something late last week, when I was participating in an End-of-Life Planning Meeting with a family in conflict over these issues, among themselves, and with their nursing home resident, who is his own person. No details needed about the meeting, but I had some kind of silvery thing happen and became very nostalgic, like looking at an old movie.
The process of "leaving" that vocation is well in process now. No real outward changes to report. I am still going to work, have no indication that I can "retire" (my husband will not even rationally discuss me retiring before I turn at least 68), and have pretty much resigned from or otherwise let everything else go, as concerns lay ministry. HOWEVER.
The time is HERE, and the Lord Himself is to be my Focus, and my Ministry.
I can't see how this will go, how it might look.
My husband requires an enormous amount of attention, and I have four adult children plus three grandchildren to think about. I'm not the best wife (two divorces thus far prove that) and there have been all kinds of issues with the kids, so I guess it's fair to say that I get, at best, "mixed reviews" as a mother/stepmother.
I've got a very good work reputation (not bragging, it appears to be fact) but have never made much in the way of salary and have no idea if whatever service I could render was of temporary, permanent, or eternal benefit. I've also been valued as part of various lay ministries, and some protests were made about me leaving some of these now, till I could explain, however poorly and briefly, that I am aware of a "change in season" from the Holy Spirit, and then was blessed to have had that confirmed by leadership in the not too distant past.
About all I know is that the Lord Himself, who has appeared to me a few times requesting that I comfort Him (as I've told you) is going to start showing me HOW to do so. And this will be for the rest of my life, now and perhaps into Eternity.
I hope this makes sense. I will report on my progress or lack thereof as we proceed. BTW: I have no idea where sewing/quilting fits into this change. Maybe it's to "distract" me as I leave work, make it easier to do so, by being another kind of work, with a different purpose. The lack of clarity as to purpose of sewing/quilting for me parallels my lack of clarity with change in focus in general.
