LAYING DOWN THE MAN'S MANTLE

From a Dear Sister in the Lord to Me:

 The Lord says it is time to tell you this. And it was spoken urgently and with a hint of "If you don't do this right now you're in big poop trouble." So to speak.

 The word the Lord gave you last time I wrote, about laying down a man's mantle? He spoke that to me and shortly thereafter, very shortly, He caused the head trauma (because I was unable to stop on my own) and had me, very much to my surprise, quit my job. It was a huge step of faith. Huge. One income, sufficient in Him I was told but not so huge, and as you know we live in a very expensive area. It was a massive step of faith, but even more importantly it was a conscious decision to move from the mans role that even with circumstances as they were, I should never have taken up. My heart had been crying to walk as a woman, to lay down this great weight but I did not know how and was afraid. He put me in a place where I had to lay it down. No choice. Though I didn't realize that until afterwards.

A little while after I stopped working, He told me I had been, indeed still was, suffering from the clinical definition of exhaustion. And that that was the least of it. The Lord has been showing me over these years what I took up, how much I did, spoke, picked up that was not mine, was never mine to carry. That it was injuring in every way to me. Spiritually first off because it crushed who He meant me to be as a woman. I'll leave out the visuals He has shown me of what has been done to me. What my sin and brokenness and fear have allowed at the hands of the enemy. Physically it has been a devastating walk. A woman is not meant to work in the world. And there are physical prices for it. Many.

The emotional and psychological damage from my choices is beyond description. So much destruction. Too, a woman is not meant to have 'heads' over her other than the Lord God Adonai and her husband in Him. No head other than these mean good for her. None other will protect or cover and give wise council. None other. We are keepers of the home. Helpmates to our husbands. We are to sit under our husbands authority in Christ, covered in his love, covered and protected and cherished, even as the church must learn to do in the house of her beloved husband, Yeshua. Importantly, in trying to be what I understood to be a helpmate (it was the enemies definition and the current world view) I actually severely inhibited my husband's growth as a man.

Now it has become that a woman stands between her husband and the Lord. She corrects, teaches, leads. None of these are what we are called to do and by doing so we direct our husbands not to the Lord, but from Him. Great harm have I done Len. He has shown me what different choices could have been made and the impact they would have had on the last 30 years. Sad. This has been such a long and hard and painful walk as He reveals the consequences of my sin and brokenness and fears and as He corrects the weaknesses and wrong thinking.

We're all turned upside down. Women that is. Particularly women of the Lord. We are to model the church in her relationship to Christ. We fail. The world does not see His love for her because we do not model correctly. We don't walk as women covered in His love and the love of our husbands. We do not walk in softness, gentleness, good humor, faith and hope, bringing the light and love of Christ into our homes and making it a haven from the hard and dirty spiritual work our husbands are called to.

I will add this. As hard as it has been, and as painful the revelations, the relationship with the Father, the one He craves and is carving out for His little girls, and I mean little, is beyond description and a treasure impossible to lay words to. I think that is all He wants me to share for now. It is I believe a very clear heads up. He tells His children in order to prepare them. To prepare the way.