GOING ON A PILGRIMAGE THIS COMING YEAR

And just what is a pilgrimage? 

One definition:

A pilgrimage is a journey or search of moral or spiritual significance. Typically, it is a journey to a shrine or other location of importance to a person's beliefs and faith, although sometimes it can be a metaphorical journey into someone's own beliefs.

~~~~ Wikipedia

And another:

(Middle English, pilgrime, Old French, pelegrin,   derived from Latin peregrinum, supposed  origin, per and ager—with idea of wandering over a  distance).

Pilgrimages may be defined as journeys made to some place with the purpose of venerating it, or in order to ask there for supernatural aid, or to discharge some religious obligation.

~~~~ Catholic Encyclopedia

And so--- study on PILGRIMAGE begins. In the meantime, just call me Peregrina. 

FIRST SUNDAY IN ADVENT

And it appears I am in another time of transition. Again. Some more. Will this process ever be complete?

I guess it's because of things that are happening internally. I have written before about the sense of being in some kind of transition, and finding it disconcerting, confusing, maybe scary. One gets used to things how they are, one gets used to seeing themselves a certain way. Transition goes from one state of being to another, in such a way that nothing will be the same again. Using Labor & Delivery as a metaphor, first we're not a mother, then we are-- even if we lose the child then or at any time after, first we have X children, now we have X+1, and so on and so forth.

For me, I have seen myself in a vocation, of a "Sermon on the Mount" variety, for many years, and am both good and bad with that, comfortable & uncomfortable. I especially noticed something late last week, when I was participating in an End-of-Life Planning Meeting with a family in conflict over these issues, among themselves, and with their nursing home resident, who is his own person. No details needed about the meeting, but I had some kind of silvery thing happen and became very nostalgic, like looking at an old movie.

The process of "leaving" that vocation is well in process now. No real outward changes to report. I am still going to work, have no indication that I can "retire" (my husband will not even rationally discuss me retiring before I turn at least 68), and have pretty much resigned from or otherwise let everything else go, as concerns lay ministry. HOWEVER.

The time is HERE, and the Lord Himself is to be my Focus, and my Ministry.

I can't see how this will go, how it might look. 

My husband requires an enormous amount of attention, and I have four adult children plus three grandchildren to think about. I'm not the best wife (two divorces thus far prove that) and there have been all kinds of issues with the kids, so I guess it's fair to say that I get, at best, "mixed reviews" as a mother/stepmother. 

I've got a very good work reputation (not bragging, it appears to be fact) but have never made much in the way of salary and have no idea if whatever service I could render was of temporary, permanent, or eternal benefit. I've also been valued as part of various lay ministries, and some protests were made about me leaving some of these now, till I could explain, however poorly and briefly, that I am aware of a "change in season" from the Holy Spirit, and then was blessed to have had that confirmed by leadership in the not too distant past.

About all I know is that the Lord Himself, who has appeared to me a few times requesting that I comfort Him (as I've told you) is going to start showing me HOW to do so. And this will be for the rest of my life, now and perhaps into Eternity.

I hope this makes sense. I will report on my progress or lack thereof as we proceed. BTW: I have no idea where sewing/quilting fits into this change. Maybe it's to "distract" me as I leave work, make it easier to do so, by being another kind of work, with a different purpose. The lack of clarity as to purpose of sewing/quilting for me parallels my lack of clarity with change in focus in general.

HALLOWTIDE 2015~ THE GIFT OF SILENCE

Going for a walk in my valley this week, I become aware of the quieting of the voices of the Green World all around me. Golden leaves of chestnut and sycamore are already forming burnished heaps on either side of the lane, and I sense my favourite beech trees ready to shake out their coppery hair and settle down for a long winter's sleep.

Whether known as Samhain, (Ireland) Samhuinn, (Scotland) Nos Calan Gaeaf, (Wales) or All Hallows Eve, (England) this is the time to celebrate the hushed time of the year, for one of the blessings of the Old Woman of Winter, the Cailleach as she is known in Scotland and Ireland, is the gift of silence.

There is a vast solace in silence, in the deep peace of emptiness, the fathomless mystery of the Void, where all things arise and where all return. In a mechanized world in which silence is increasingly rare, and it is almost impossible to find a night sky which does not reflect electric lights, these are gifts to be cherished. The fallow time, the unfilled schedule book, rest, sleep, quietude, less rather than more, are held of little value in our constantly on-the-go modern society. 

Unlike ancient and indigenous cultures, modern society has no comparable ritual practices that allow for the experience of return and renewal by going into the deep silence found within the earth. Yet yearning for this experience is indicated by the number of white westerners who have appropriated the Native American sweat lodge ceremony for their own rituals. This is why entering the Silence is so important in all Mystery work. If you do not regularly quiet your mind in silent meditation, even if only for a few moments, you cannot engage in the all-important deep listening to the wise voice of your soul, your inner guides and teachers, and the Divine Source.

If possible, try to have in your home one room, however small, that you reserve for silence. Choose beautiful, clear colours full of light for the walls and some symbolic or mystical pictures to put in it, and dedicate it to the Divine, in whatever form is meaningful to you. Do not allow others in and do not go in yourself unless you feel able to maintain an inner silence, so that you can hear the underlying voice of the Universe.

As you are preparing your quiet room, try also to prepare it within yourself, in your heart and mind. In this way, no matter where you find yourself, even in the midst of chaos, you will be able to enter your inner room to find peace and light in the silence of your soul.

WILD NIGHT FOR ME~~~ WAKING ~~~ AND SLEEPING

Haven't been so..... under attack.... FOR YEARS. And I hate to put it that way, as I'm not really paranoid about this.... but it was not a mere mood, it was very real, and followed me into my dreams. Came from nowhere in particular as well. 

Temptation is strong..... not to ruminate on past sins & failings, which I could and sometimes do, nor feel any stirring to return to "old ways", it wasn't like that. It was much more of a look at here and eternity and feel left out somehow and that the Lord cannot be trusted and there really is no other reality so we are, in a word, screwed.  That God is not trustworthy, not loving, playing his own game with us, his creatures. 

The urge was strong just to give up. Give up the faith, do whatever, take up other spiritual systems.... makes no real difference in the end. And no sense of God in all this, nothing at all to hang on to.

Strange? I suspect this has happened others, or similar.... especially those with prophetic giftings, who usually fall prey to all kinds of desolations. But for me, I'm ordinary. Whether I like it or not, I'm completely ordinary. I may have wanted a place, a particular place, of some sort, in the Great Plan of God, but I'm just one of the many. 

It was not depression coming in, I am more than familiar with that one. This was more, and it's hard to describe, and even as I look over what I'm writing here, it sounds whiney, and not anything significant. But somehow I suspect that for me, it was.

FINALLY, as I was waking up, still in this particular struggle, or whatever it was, I was given reminders.... not direct comfort to me and beautiful words just for me..... which perhaps I would have liked, but reminders, of others, having gone before, thinking & feeling some of the same, and also not feeling the presence of God with them. Some pictures of people I know.... and many I don't know, though the ages (it seemed) and some we all know something about, like Mother Theresa, who had her call, a big call, waited for it to be confirmed within the channels of the Church, which it was..... and went on her way to India...... and then, evidently, for the entire rest of her life, never felt God's Presence to her again. She just lived by faith, period. Not putting myself in her league, but considering that this sort of thing happens to folks in her league, guess it can certainly happen to the rest of us.

One thing which was very interesting was seeing folks from the church I grew up in, Salem Covenant Church in Worcester.. I have appreciated it before, gave me a good foundation for sure in the Bible and all.... haven't much thought of it for years now. Ordinary people really, bunch of Swedes, many a tad ornery or cheap or whatever, but they were committed to something beyond themselves. For sure. 

Anyway, just felt like sharing.